Despair & Silence

1 Kings 19:1-15a

It’s very tempting with this passage from 1st Kings to focus on what is called the theophany or the appearance of God to Elijah. That’s the dramatic part, as well it should be. Preachers who use the lectionary are no doubt going on about the wind, earthquake, & fire and the lack of God’s presence in them.  And very likely, much is being said about the sheer silence or still small voice as many of us grew up hearing about it.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  That theophany is important and has a lot to teach us.  If we expect to find God in all the noise and hubbub of daily living or even the unexpected noise of major events and don’t look for God in the silences, we’re on the wrong track and Elijah would be the first to tell us so.  To focus on that event, however, in the midst of this story is to miss a major point of the passage.

But let’s back up a bit and find out what’s really going on.  Just prior to this narrative, Elijah has a showdown with the prophets of Baal.  Baal, you might remember, was the god of the queen, Jezebel.  In fact, she was working to institute the worship of Baal in the northern kingdom of Israel, there where worship of Yahweh was supposed to happen.

The prophets of Baal had sacrificed a bull and placed it upon an altar and they cried to their god throughout the day to bring down fire upon the altar, all to a stunning non-result.  The silence, as one might say, was deafening.

Elijah took his turn then.  To make the trick even more astounding, he had the bystanders pour buckets upon buckets of water upon the altar until it flowed out and filled a trench that surrounded it.  Then Elijah called upon Yahweh to ignite the altar, which happened in no uncertain terms.  In fact the fire was so hot that the water in the trench evaporated.  As would happen in those days, Elijah, the winner of this contest, then massacred the prophets of Baal.  Then he went on to end the drought that Israel had been going through, adding a nice little twist to his victory.

That’s when we pick up today’s reading.  When Jezebel finds out about all that’s gone on, she hits the proverbial royal roof and makes some fairly strong & nasty threats against Elijah.  In fact, within a day’s time, she says, he’s going to be as dead as those prophets of Baal find themselves.

Now Elijah may be one of the greatest prophets in Jewish history, but in the end he’s still just a human.  And he does what any human in their right mind would do; he makes a run for it.  He doesn’t want to stick around to see if Jezebel is good for her word and hits the Israelite highway.  He runs so far, we’re told that he ends up about as distant from her that he can and still be in Hebrew territory: Beer-sheba, which is the southernmost point in the southern kingdom of Judah.

There he does an odd thing.  Having escaped death, he asks God to kill him.  In the midst of his despair, he asks God to take his life, because it’s just not worth living anymore.  But, you know, people in despair and desperate situations don’t always make sense.  So we’ll just have to chalk this request of Elijah to that despair and likely utter exhaustion.  He is ministered to by an angel who feeds him.  Elijah gets a little more rest, undoubtedly needed and deserved, and then heads out into the wilderness for forty days and nights. 

Forty days and nights.  Sound familiar?  It has echoes of the forty years that the Hebrew people spent in the wilderness. It means a really, really long time.  And where does he end up in that wandering time but Mt. Horeb, which we know also as Mt. Sinai,  Mt. Sinai, where Moses received the commandments that are the basis of Judaism.  Mt. Sinai, where Moses was allowed to view God, or at least God’s backside, during another well-known theophany.

Important things happen on mountains in the Bible.  Anytime there’s a mountain, you should pay attention.  Think about it:  Ararat, Sinai, Carmel, Pisgah, not to mention the Sermon on the Mount and the mountain top transfiguration event.  So Elijah, in his despair and desire to stop living, ends up on a mountaintop.  And then today’s theophany comes in.  Elijah encounters God, but not nearly in a way that he expected.  After all that’s happened to him, Elijah meets God in sheer silence.  And from that experience, Elijah is sent on his way, back up to be the proper thorn in the side of Ahab and Jezebel that he was called to be.

“Called to be.”  Is it possible that through all that has happened in this story that it boils down to vocation or calling?  Is all this about Elijah’s calling to be a prophet of Yahweh?  If so, how can any of us relate to it?

I mean, we’re not going to have a face-off with the prophets of some forgotten deity.  No queen is going to threaten our lives because we messed with her prophets.  We probably even won’t ever have to go on the lam because we’ve peeved the wrong person. 

You know what though?  Each of us here assuredly knows something about despair.  Some of us may have even considered that the world would be a better place without our living presence at one time or another.  We have all heard God’s call to us (because God doesn’t just call certain people you know) and struggled to maintain some semblance of sanity in the midst of that call.  We may have felt that our calls and vocations were not properly supported and felt frustration when responses were low.

And that brings us right back to that theophany of finding God in the silence.  Because if we don’t make the space to listen, really listen for and to God, we’re going to stay frustrated and in despair; stuck without the strength we need for our wilderness wanderings.

In many ways this congregation could be seen as being in that very situation.  We have listened and heard God’s call which has led us to start Homework Central and be instrumental in beginning what is now known as Home and Hope, serving those whose lives are on the margins here in San Mateo County.  We have provided a warm place of acceptance and inclusion in our worship and community life.  We have looked both outward and inward, caring for others and ourselves with the same intensity and devotion.  And yet, we find ourselves on the run, in despair.  Are we, as a congregation, better off dead?

I think we know that answer to that question.  Because no, I firmly believe, God does not want us to cease to exist.  We need to find the answer in the silences though.  We need to seek out God’s call; to renew our commitment to our vocation as a congregation.  That doesn’t mean doing, doing, doing, necessarily.  All that doing can be as distracting as the wind, earthquake, and fire.  Once we’ve done all our doing, we need to listen, really listen to God in the silence and then move forward from there.